Hey Hey Yeah Hey Ten thousand deers Japan Japan Japan shorts I met her on the highwayin Sheboyganoutside Fresnoat a truck stopon probationin a jail cellin a nightmareincognitoin the Stone Agein a treehousein a gay bar in Septemberat McDonald'sridin' shotgunwrestlin' gatorsall hunched overpoppin' upperssort of pregnantwith her fatherstoned on oatmealwith Merv Griffindead all over. I can still recall that purple dressthat little hatthat burlap brathose training pantsthe stolen goodsthat plastic nosethe Stassin pinthe neon signthat creepy smilethe hearing aidthe boxer shorts she wore. She was sobbin' at the toll boothdrinkin' Dr. Pepperweighted down with Twinkiesbreakin' out with acnecrawlin' through the prairiesmellin' kind of funnycrashin' through the guardrailchewin' on a hangnailtalkin' in Swahilidrownin' in the quicksandslurpin' up linguini in the twilightbut I loved herby the off-rampnear Poughkeepsiewith her cobrawhen she shot meon her elbowswith Led-Zeppelinwith Miss Piggywith a wetbackin her muu-muu, and I knew no guy would ever love her morethat she would be an easy scoreshe'd bought her dentures in a storethat she would be a crashing boreI'd never rate her more than "4"they'd hate her guts in Baltimoreit was a raven, nothing morewe really lost the last World WarI'd have to scrape her off the floorwhat strong deodorants were forthat she was rotten to the corethat I would upchuck on the floor. I promised herI knew deep downShe asked me ifI told her shrinkThe judge declaredMy Pooh Bear saidI shrieked in painThe painters knewA Klingon saidMy hamster thoughtThe blood test showedHer rabbi said I'd stay with herwarp her mindswear off boozechange my sexpunch her outlive off herhave my rashstay a dwarfhate her dogpick my noseplay "Go Fish"salivate forever. She said to me our love would never diethere was no other guyman wasn't meant to flythat Nixon didn't lieher basset hound was shythat Rolaids made her highshe'd have a swiss on ryeshe loved my one blue eyeher brother's name was Hyshe liked "Spy vs. Spy"that birthdays made her cryshe couldn't stand my tie. But who'd have thought she'd run offwind upboogieyodelsky diveturn greenfreak outblast offmake itblack outbobsledgrovel with my best friendin my Edselon a surfboardon "The Gong Show"with her dentiston her "Workmate"with a robotwith no clothes onat her health clubin her Maytagwith her guruwhile in labor. You'd think at least that she'd have saidI never had the chance to sayShe told her fat friend Grace to sayI now can kiss my credit cardsI guess I was too smashed to sayI watched her melt away and sobbedShe fell beneath the wheels and criedShe sent a hired thug to sayShe freaked out on the lawn and screamedI pushed her off the bridge and wavedBut that's the way that pygmies sayShe sealed me in the vault and smirked goodbye.